Pining for the fjords

I don't know where to begin. Let's try this:

Chapter One: I am born.

No, that's not quite right (apologies to Mr. Dickens). So, beginning. Can we claim to be at the beginning when we are middle aged? A "new" beginning has always sounded so odd to me because it isn't a beginning at all, just a change. Let's call this, then, the monumental re-education of a holey headed, pimp limpin', bad ass motherfuc...uh, philosophy professor.





So, I'm going to hike the Icelandic highlands. By myself. That may not sound like a big deal to some, but it is an enormous leap for me. Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up (y'all better get that reference): 9 years ago I was diagnosed with antiphospholipid syndrome after having a heart attack and several strokes. I have collected a new autoimmune diagnosis every year since then and, really, have been quite ill for quite awhile. I'm arthritic in every joint, I have muscle pain in every muscle, and I walk funny due to the strokes. I still have stroke fatigue (imagine being drugged, that's close to what it feels like) and I live with the knowledge that shit can escalate out of the blue and very quickly. Two years ago I was still walking with a forearm crutch and I still stumble around like a drunk person half the time. But, well, so? Nothing I can do about all of that so I tend not to worry about it, much to the consternation of the people who love me.

The point is, tramping around the Icelandic highlands by myself after being as sick as I have been, as disabled as I have been, and as discouraged as I have been is a really big deal. I don't know if I will be able to do it, but I've already gotten half way to my first goal of walking 10 miles, so I think I will be able to do it. It's a risk, that is true. Being out there without someone who knows my specific history (it is really very complicated) is a huge risk. I'm on blood thinners, so I have to be careful about hitting my head, and I am on low dose chemo, so I have to be careful of infections. My diseases are so rare that I often have to educate new doctors about them. They are also such rare forms of rare diseases that I often have to insist that new doctors see me as the delicate person I am. So, yes, I am delicate. But you know what? I reject the notion that people who are delicate should not have adventures. I am having my damn adventure.

I mean, if not now, when?